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I recently read an article that promised seven concrete steps to reaching my full potential.  They were: “Reflect on your life, become an optimist, set a goal, define who your role models are, be grateful, become a lifelong learner, embrace change.”  That all sounds good but it feels more abstract then concrete to me.  I think there is a vital piece to achieving your full potential that is missing – why you want it.

I ask my clients that question a lot, Why, and I find it to be one of the most difficult things I ask.  It is amazing to me how many adults do things out of a sense of obligation to ghosts from their past (and even their future).  Of course I am certainly not suggesting we all give up our responsibilities and go in search of ourselves.  But I do think we would do well to have a better understanding of what is motivating our behavior.

Here is another question I ask: What does success mean to you?  I have found that success isn’t a thing that is achieved but something that is experienced.  So perhaps a better question is What would the experience of success feel like to you? And even more importantly, Why does having that experience matter?

If you can’t answer those questions, you are going to be disconnected from whatever success you do achieve.  It won’t feel like it belongs to you and it will be hollow.  So instead of all the ra-ra, yay-me things we are told about our potential and success, let’s get down on paper why what we do matters to us.  And if we don’t know, maybe we need to be playing a different game.

Are you playing a game that matters to you?  Do you think you will see success coming or just wake up one morning and find it has arrived? Share with us in the comments!

Want to learn how your interaction in teams makes or breaks your success? Then the Stop The Drama! Game Plan Weekend lead by Doc Robyn  is for you!  Learn more and register here.

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, executive wordsmith and conflict resolution expert.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, professionals, athletes, coaches, parents, and faculty to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

Tags: Champion Performance Development, clear communication, communication skills, conflict avoidance, creating productive teams, Doc Robyn, good leadership, How do I reach my potential, how to motivate my team, how to motivate others, How to reach your potential, keynote speaker, motivating my team, motivation, NJ keynote speaker, NJ public speaker, organizational culture, personal development, professional development, reaching full potential, Robyn Odegaard, self motivation, simple success, team development, team motivation, teamwork

One of the most common questions I am asked is “How do I motivate my team?”  Of course I am a HUGE proponent of getting buy-in, creating a productive team environment and addressing roadblocks quickly.  I also like to pose this question – Is it always the leader’s job to provide motivation?  I find myself thinking of a diva actor or actress repeatedly asking the director, “What is my motivation?” To which I want to answer, “Um, it’s your job.”

Sure, everyone needs a pep-talk now and then but in all seriousness, if you have to beg, plead, nag and entice the same people to be motivated to do what they need to be doing, maybe you have the wrong people on your team or in the very least the wrong people doing the wrong tasks.

Adults need to be able to motivate themselves to meet their responsibilities, even the ones they would rather not do.  So how can you determine if someone really is a self-starter of if that is just a phrase taking up space on their LinkedIn profile?

• Ask them about the last time they did something they didn’t want to do and why.
• Ask if they feel like they work best under pressure or on a tight deadline.  If the answer is enthusiastically yes, they may procrastinate to create ‘emergency’ situations.
• Ask what motivates them to get something done quickly and efficiently. Listen for answers that sound like pride in a job well done in a reasonable time-frame.
• Ask how they motivate others. Chances are they use what works to motivate them.

Wondering if you are the sole voice of motivation on your team?  Ask yourself a few questions:

• If you have a ‘down’ day does the team spiral downward too?
• Do you feel like you are constantly giving a “Yay us!” speech?
• When you need a pep-talk who do you call?
• Who on your team has a “can do” attitude about anything you throw their way?

Already have a diva looking for you to motivate them on your team? You need to have a chat to bring the issue out in the open.  You might start with these questions:

• What do you like about what you do (if the answer is “the paycheck” you have a problem)?
• What makes you want to do a good job?
• What is your favorite part of this project?
• What kinds of things make you want to do a good job?

After engaging in that conversation, tell them you need them to step up and motivate themselves.  As I always say about expectations, you most certainly won’t get what you want if you don’t ask.  Work with them to create a list of observable behaviors that will show they are meeting your request (projects being submitted by the end of the work day rather than at 11:59pm the day they are due).  Being able to hold someone accountable means your expectation has to be measurable.

If you are careful about bringing in self-starters and putting them in the right roles you will not find yourself having to be an around-the-clock cheerleader or mule driver for your team.   

Want a hands-on, resume building experience on how develop successful teams with great team dynamics who reach their full potential? The Stop The Drama! Game Plan Weekend lead by Doc Robyn is for you!  Learn more and register here.

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, executive wordsmith and conflict resolution expert.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, professionals, athletes, coaches, parents, and faculty to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

Tags: carrot or stick, Champion Performance Development, clear communication, communication skills, conflict avoidance, creating productive teams, Doc Robyn, good leadership, how to motivate my team, how to motivate others, keynote speaker, motivating my team, motivation, NJ keynote speaker, NJ public speaker, office politics, organizational culture, personal development, professional development, Robyn Odegaard, self motivation, simple success, team development, team motivation, teamwork

Several times over the last few weeks I have tried to give a company money in exchange for a service or product they offered.  Unfortunately, my attempts to give them my business have been thwarted because I couldn’t get anyone to return my calls.  Either I am cursed to be always attempting to work with small businesses who already have more business than they want (unlikely) or they simply are not keeping track of people who want to work with them (likely).

I am more than happy to understand how overwhelming it is to be an entrepreneur.  And I know when you hire help they are never as careful about such things as you would be.  However, you are literally throwing money out the window; not only mine but anyone I might refer to you.

Here are a few of the barebones service things I expect:

Let your yea, be yea – Regardless of if I am a potential customer, client or vendor, if you engage with me and say you are going to get back to me, do it.  Put a reminder in your phone, a sticky-note on your wall or stamp it on your forehead.  Whatever it takes, call me back.  If you don’t, your reputation will be forever tarnished.  I will not do business with you and I will tell my friends you are unreliable.

Let your no, be no – If you can’t do what I need or don’t want to work with me, just say so.  That will free me up to pursue other options with no hard feelings.  If I am waiting on you to get back to me and you don’t, there will be hard feelings and you will again receive the label “unreliable”.

Keep track of me – Do you have a spreadsheet, whiteboard or some other method for keeping track of potential customers?  Please don’t let me just fall through the cracks.

Don’t blame me – If I call you back and say I was expecting to hear from you please don’t tell me I should have followed up sooner or that I didn’t make it clear I wanted a call back.

Your competitor thanks you – I was going to buy from you. I really was.  But I didn’t want to beg to be your customer so I went to your competitor.  They were nice to me.  They helped me.  They called me back.  Guess what? I did business with them.  

If you want to have a hands-on, resume building experience on how develop successful teams with great team dynamics who reach their full potential the Stop The Drama! Game Plan Weekend lead by Doc Robyn is for you.  Learn more and register here.

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, executive wordsmith and conflict resolution expert.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, professionals, athletes, coaches, parents, and faculty to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

Tags: Champion Performance Development, clear communication, communication skills, conflict avoidance, creating productive teams, Doc Robyn, good leadership, keynote speaker, NJ keynote speaker, NJ public speaker, office politics, organizational culture, personal development, professional development, Robyn Odegaard, simple success, team development, teamwork

We have all been in situations with a crying teammate.  And I will admit there have been times where my eyes have been more watery than I would have liked.  There has been a lot written about what to do if you are about to cry or have cried in a place you wish you wouldn’t; but very little about how to handle a crying teammate.  I have seen many instances, some handled well, most handled poorly.  Here are my two cents on what to do when a teammate cries:

Assess the cause – Tears happen for a variety of reasons; anger, frustration, being insulted, physical pain, receiving bad news, etc.  Why it is happening will inform your decision about what to do.

Consider the type of crying – There is a lot of space on the spectrum between misty-eyed and all out sobbing.  Clearly you don’t handle them the same way.

Provide a tissue – The most annoying thing about tears (aside from the embarrassment) is the ensuing runny nose and not having a tissue.  That is a very simple “fix” that doesn’t take much effort.

Misty/watery eyes – Never call someone out on crying in a professional setting.  Regardless of my opinion that crying is just an emotion like laughing, it isn’t good for someone’s professional image to be labeled a crier.  Hand them a tissue, look them in the eye and make a comment about allergies, pollen, or contacts.  If you have a relationship on a deeper personal level, check in with them later in private.

Flowing tears/broken speech – At this point you can’t pass it off as allergies so you have two choices, acknowledge the tears or plow ahead.  If the person is able to continue engaging in a productive discussion, I recommend treating the tears as an outward display of passion around the topic and continuing.  If they have reached the point where they cannot continue, suggest they take a break.  Please do not ask them if they are okay.  It will only further derail your meeting.  Let them step out and move forward.  Again – check on them in private if appropriate.

Sobbing – I have only seen open sobbing in a workplace on two occasions; once when someone received a call about the death of a family member and once when someone was asked how they felt about having to put down a pet that morning (not an appropriate question in the office).  In the case of someone crying so hard they can hardly breathe the only choice you have is to move them to a private space (note – the bathroom is not private) and ask if they need anything.

Follow up conversation – If one of your team members is regularly crying when provided with feedback you may need to have a conversation to figure out what is going on.  It could be that a simple explanation that feedback is about making him/her better not about judging him/her as wrong or bad may adjust the way it is perceived and stop the tears.

Manage your judgmental response – There are so many labels assigned to people who cry in the office; manipulative, weak, and emotional are a few I have heard.  However, sometimes tears are simply a way to manage escalating emotion.  I would rather have to hand someone a tissue then deal with a torrent of screaming, cussing and name calling (which for some reason seems to be more acceptable in the workplace than crying – someone please explain that to me).

A few months ago I attended a seminar that included a panel discussion.  One of the panelists was speaking very passionately about the work she was doing in developing countries when her voice started to crack.  I waited, expecting to see one of the organizers appear with a box of tissues.  Nothing happened.  I stepped out of the room and asked at the main desk for tissues.  When I came back in I expected the situation to have already been resolved.  It was not.  In a room of 250+ people, I walked up to the table of panelists, gave a slight smile to the woman trying to speak through her tears, set the box down and walked away.  The room erupted into applause.  Everyone was uncomfortable and yet no one did anything.  All it took was an acknowledgement of the situation and the willingness to address it to solve the discomfort.  Never do nothing when something simple will fix the problem.

As always, I wish you the MOST from your potential!

If you want to have the hands-on experience to build a highly productive team the Stop The Drama! Game Plan Weekend for Coaches facilitated by Doc Robyn is for you.  Learn more and register here.

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

If you would like Doc Robyn to work with you or your team, call her: 732-421-5170

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, executive wordsmith and conflict resolution expert.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, professionals, athletes, coaches, parents, and faculty to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

Tags: Champion Performance Development, clear communication, communication skills, conflict avoidance, conflict resolution, conflict resolution tips, creating productive teams, crying in business, crying in the office, Doc Robyn, feedback, giving feedback, good leadership, how to deal with someone crying, keynote speaker, NJ keynote speaker, NJ public speaker, office politics, organizational culture, personal development, professional development, Robyn Odegaard, simple success, successful teambuilding, team building, team development, teamwork, there is no crying in business

Last weekend I had the amazing opportunity to speak to a room full of athletic coaches about creating teams that are good at conflict resolution. During the Q&A I was asked a question that also comes up when I work with corporate teams: “I had a great team last year. What can I do other than hope to make it happen again?”

Whether you are trying to repeat a great team or not repeat one rife with drama here are a few things you can do to create an amazing team:

1.       Recognize the underlying causes to unresolved conflict

a.      Communication DNA – There are some things that are hardwired.  They can be overridden, but you have to teach your team how to do it.

b.      “Individual Communication Fingerprints” – Each of us has a unique way we use language.  Similar Communication Fingerprints get along right away.  When people with very different Fingerprints try to work together there can be “personality conflicts”.

c.       “Team Communication Fingerprint” – How does your team handle disagreement or differences of opinion?   Every team has a culture and left to their own methods they are often unhealthy.

d.      “The Communication Myth” – Look at any resume or LinkedIn profile and you are likely to see something about the person being good at oral and written communication.  Since everyone thinks they are better than average at it, any misunderstanding must be the other person’s fault.

e.      We are all taught to be too “nice” – You can read the post I wrote about it here, but the bottom line is this: Many of us are so busy being “nice” we aren’t willing to have honest, difficult conversations with our teammates.  We will however happily gossip behind their backs.

2.       Provide the skills your team needs to engage in productive conflict, address problems, resolve them and move on.  I have written various posts on that subject in the past but here are a few highlights:

a.       Agree what success looks like – It is always surprising to me when I ask members of a team what success means and I get different answers.  If you aren’t all going in the same direction you are unlikely to get where anyone wants to go.

b.      Have a communication contract – If your team doesn’t have a standard method for addressing problems everything is going to be a one-off issue. 

c.       Hold each other accountable to having tough conversations early – Once a problem starts to spiral out of control in the gossip mill it is much more challenging to solve.

d.      Talk about the problem not the person – The problem is temporary the person is permanent.

e.      Ask why – As adults we make assumptions (usually negative ones).  The power of asking why is amazing.

f.       If you are going to assume, make up something positive – If you can’t ask, at least try to think of positive reasons why someone did something.

g.      Listen to understand, not just respond – There is a difference between hearing, listening and understanding.  Always strive to understand before you respond.

Creating a high functioning team doesn’t just happen.  It takes thought and action.  Are you in action about reaching your full potential or are you just hoping it will happen?

If you want to have the hands-on experience to build a highly productive team the Stop The Drama! Game Plan Weekend for Coaches is for you.  Learn more and register here.

As always, I wish you the MOST from your potential!

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, executive wordsmith and conflict resolution expert.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, professionals, athletes, coaches, parents, and faculty to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

If you would like Doc Robyn to work with you or your team, call her: 732-421-5170

Tags: Champion Performance Development, clear communication, communication skills, conflict avoidance, conflict resolution, conflict resolution tips, creating an elevator pitch, creating productive teams, Doc Robyn, elevator pitch, feedback, giving feedback, good leadership, keynote speaker, NJ keynote speaker, NJ public speaker, office politics, organizational culture, personal development, professional development, Robyn Odegaard, simple success, successful teambuilding, team building, team development, teamwork

I recently attended a networking event where everyone had 45 seconds to give their elevator pitch.  The first person got up and said her piece.  As she sat down I thought, “I must have not been paying attention. I don’t know what she does.”  I decided to focus more carefully as the next person got up to speak.  Sadly of the 15-20 people in attendance, I only understood what 3-5 of them actually did.  Everyone else just said a bunch of words I didn’t know how to categorize, let alone understand how they could help my business or I could help theirs.

I am assuming none of those people set out to be unclear.  I would make the educated guess that they had worked long and hard to make sure their pitch was polished to perfection.  So how could so many of them end up so murky?

Too industry specific – If you are attending a conference where you are only talking to people from your trade, maybe you can use acronyms and trade specific jargon.  If you are talking to a potential client or someone you hope will refer business, use common language they will understand easily.

Too many adjectives/adverbs – When an explanation of what you do is written it can have more description words in it because it is easy for someone to refer back to what is being talked about if they need to.  When you are talking, once someone gets lost in all the words they will just miss the point.  Think about if you heard a lengthy mission statement out loud.  Stick to explaining what you do rather than adding words that tell how well you do it.

You don’t know your audience – A few months back I was invited to attend the taping of a yoga program.  When a young actress asked me what I did I explained I was a motivational speaker, executive wordsmith and coach.  She responded by saying, (and yes this is a direct quote) “I don’t know what any of those words mean.” Obviously I failed to take into account that she had never spent any time in the business world.  Know who you are talking to and adjust your pitch accordingly.

No memory peg information – I have often heard that it isn’t wise to give yourself a label such as “computer guy” or “plumber” because people will think, “oh I already know one of those” and dismiss you.  While I agree, I also think it is risky to provide a description that is so niche people have no way to categorize you in their mind.  Explaining why you are different is great.  Just be careful about being so different that we don’t have a place to put you in our mind.

You talk too fast – I can be guilty of this.  I know I only have a few seconds to catch someone’s attention and sometimes that causes me to try to squeeze in as many words as possible before they stop listening (I heard about a study recently that found most people can only focus for about six seconds at a time).  That is like someone who rattles off their phone number so quickly on a message you can’t understand it.  Instead of trying to say lots of words, make sure the ones you say are valuable.

Your elevator pitch is one of the most valuable assets you have.  It is a potential client’s first glimpse into your world.  It is not a one size fits all.  Create different types for different situations (what I say to athletic coaches is different than what I say to executives). Hone them carefully.  Try them out on people who know nothing about what you do and who you trust to give you honest feedback.  And if you have the ability to do so, invest in someone who specializes in effective communication to work with you to make sure what you want to convey is what you are actually saying.

As always, I wish you the most from your potential!

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, executive wordsmith and conflict resolution expert.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, professionals, athletes, coaches, parents, and faculty to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

If you would like Doc Robyn to work with you or your team, call her: 732-421-5170

Tags: Champion Performance Development, clear communication, communication skills, conflict avoidance, conflict resolution, conflict resolution tips, creating an elevator pitch, creating productive teams, Doc Robyn, elevator pitch, feedback, giving feedback, good leadership, keynote speaker, NJ keynote speaker, NJ public speaker, office politics, organizational culture, personal development, professional development, Robyn Odegaard, simple success, team building, team development, teamwork

I am a firm believer that the world has enough misunderstanding and miscommunication without purposefully adding to it because it is the first day of April.  No matter what ‘success’ means to you, you can increase your likelihood of achieving it by creating effective interactions with your vendors, clients and teammates.  In honor of the day, here are some fool proof ways to make sure communication works for you:

Own Your Power

Too often in conversation we try to take over the other person’s power and in the process give up our own.  To avoid the power struggle that ensues, start your sentences with the word “I” (I think… I need… I want…  My experience was…) rather than using the word “You”.  Sentences that start with you (You did this… You need to do that… You made me…) close off the conversation.  The person being spoken to only has two choices, accept what they are being told about themselves or defensively disagree.   There is no space to have a conversation, only a confrontation.

Assume the Positive

If you have ever spent time with a toddler you know their favorite question is “why?”  Unfortunately, as we grow up we are trained not to ask that question.  But that doesn’t mean our inquisitiveness goes away.  We still want to know why, but rather than asking, we just make it up.  In fact, making up why someone does something becomes so engrained we don’t even realize we are doing it.  To make matters worse, when we make assumptions about other people it is almost always something negative.   A simple example is when someone runs a red light.  The first thing that springs to mind for most people is “idiot”.  The reality is likely something more neutral; like the driver wasn’t paying attention at that moment.  Start catching yourself making up negative things about people and start asking why.  It is amazing what people will tell you when you ask and then listen to their answer.  If you don’t have the opportunity to ask, try assuming something positive.

Do More than Listen – Strive to Understand

Stephen Covey knew, “Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”  Just listening is not enough.  Have you ever had this argument:  “You aren’t listening to me!” “Yes I am!”  “No you’re not!”  The problem isn’t that you weren’t listening, it is that the other person wasn’t feeling heard.  Sometimes just letting someone know you heard and understand them is enough, even if you don’t agree.  Use these phrases to help someone feel heard:  What I think I hear you saying is…. What I am taking away from this conversation is… My understanding of what you need is… It sounds like you are frustrated about….  Explain what it is you believe the other person is trying to convey to you.  If you are incorrect, give them a chance to explain themselves again.  In this way both parties can walk away from the conversation with the same understanding.

Treat Others the Way THEY Want to be Treated

The Golden Rule has been failing us for a long time.  Just because you want to be treated a certain way does not mean others want to be treated that way.  Punctuality is a great example for this issue.  All of us know someone who believes if you’re early you’re on time, if you’re on time your late and if you’re late you’re in trouble (I admit, I am one of those people).  There are other people who live much more “in the moment”.  They are present with a situation until it is finished and then they move on to the next thing.  There isn’t a schedule other then when they get there they will be there.  If I expected all of my clients to be regimented with time like I am, I would drive many of them away.  Instead, it is important that I understand what works best for them.  Does it make me crazy sometimes? Very much so.  But I can’t treat people the way I want to be treated; I must treat them how they want to be treated.  To figure that out, I have to ask, not assume what they want.

Life is complicated enough without adding misunderstandings and hurt feelings that can be avoided through the powerful use of language (and not playing April Fools jokes).  You have the choice to use effective communication and productive conflict resolution.  Your success is up to you.  Never let others sidetrack it.

As always, I wish you the most from your potential!

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, author and conflict resolution expert.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, professionals, athletes, coaches, parents, and faculty to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

If you would like Doc Robyn to work with you or your team, call her: 732-421-5170

Tags: April Fools, Champion Performance Development, clear communication, communication skills, conflict avoidance, conflict resolution, conflict resolution tips, creating productive teams, Doc Robyn, feedback, giving feedback, good leadership, keynote speaker, NJ keynote speaker, NJ public speaker, office politics, organizational culture, personal development, professional development, Robyn Odegaard, simple success, team building, team development, teamwork

If you have had any management training in the past couple of decades you have heard of the “feedback sandwich” – the idea that you can soften the blow of negative feedback by sandwiching it between to positive things.  Please, I am really begging here, stop doing that!  It causes confusion and only blurs the message you are trying to send.  You can’t say “Good job. Bad job. Good job.” and expect someone to understand what you want from them.  Instead, really praise people when they do a good job and be kind and honest when giving negative feedback.

Giving negative feedback kindly can be challenging.  Here are a few tips to make it less painful for everyone involved:

Talk before you are frustrated – Too often we use subtle clues and hints to try to get someone to change because we don’t want to have an uncomfortable conversation.  If you are a team leader, manager or coach it is your responsibility to deal with your own discomfort and do what is best for your team members.  Deal with it and have the conversation before you are annoyed.

Be clear about the problem – Now that you realize you need to have a conversation, avoid being vague or beating around the bush about the problem.  Make sure you know exactly what he/she is doing that you want to stop.  Giving feedback such as, “You aren’t enough of a team player” or “You don’t contribute enough in meetings” isn’t helpful.  Instead be able to give measureable behaviors that need to change.

Share what you would like to see instead – Spewing a lot of “I’m just unhappy with you” isn’t going to lead to change.  You need to be able to articulate what positive change looks like.  If you are having a conversation with someone who is notoriously late for work, provide very specific guidelines such as “I need you to be at your desk and ready to work by 8:15.”  If all you say is “You need to be on time” he or she may believe that pulling into the parking lot by 8:15 will meet your expectations; which will lead to more frustration and the need for another conversation.

Be respectful and kind – Being mean or hurtful when giving negative feedback is a key sign that you are not managing your emotions.  Yes the conversation is uncomfortable.  Sure you wish you didn’t have to have it.  Put on your big boy or girl pants and figure it out!  There is never a reason to take out your negative emotion on someone else.  Being thoughtful about how you give feedback can go a long way to making the conversation productive.

Invest in training – Giving negative feedback and having tough conversations is part of being a leader.  Doing it well is a learned skill.  Too many leaders try to learn it through trial and error; damaging people along the way.  Some never really learn how to do it. [Ask me sometime about the boss who was screaming he was going to fire everyone on the conference call in the middle of an outage – can you say not helpful?]  Invest in your future by utilizing a coach or attending conflict resolution/management/leadership workshops.  Your climb up the ladder will be easier and everyone you manage will thank you.

Giving negative feedback doesn’t have to be painful for anyone involved.  Let’s lose the feedback sandwich and really sink our teeth into the meat and potatoes of making a positive difference by having tough conversations founded on respect and dignity.

As always, I wish you the most from your potential!

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, author and conflict resolution expert.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, professionals, athletes, coaches, parents, and faculty to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

If you would like Doc Robyn to work with you or your team, call her: 732-421-5170

Tags: Champion Performance Development, clear communication, communication skills, conflict avoidance, conflict resolution, conflict resolution tips, creating productive teams, Doc Robyn, feedback, giving feedback, good leadership, keynote speaker, NJ keynote speaker, NJ public speaker, office politics, organizational culture, personal development, professional development, Robyn Odegaard, simple success, successful feedback, team building, team development, teamwork, tough feedback

Whether you are among the 20% of self proclaimed chronic procrastinators or you find yourself up against a deadline a little more often than you’d like, procrastination is a bug that bites all of us sometimes.  It is well known that we tend to get more done when we know we simply won’t have time to do it tomorrow.  But how can we make ourselves busy enough to get things done while not making ourselves crazy? I suggest we procrastinate on our procrastination.  Here’s how:

1. Know your procrastination tasks – What busy work suddenly becomes incredibly important when you have a task you need to accomplish (internet, email, catch up phone calls, etc)? I know if I suddenly feel the urge to vacuum, do the dishes or go to the grocery store there is something I am avoiding.
2. Catch yourself in the moment – It can be easy to lose an hour or two without even trying.  The earlier you notice you are engaging in a procrastination task the sooner you can get back on track.  Anytime you find yourself doing one of the things on your procrastination task list, ask yourself “Is this the right thing to be doing with my time or am I avoiding something?”
3. Put your procrastination task on the back burner – Whatever it is you are using to avoid doing what you should be doing it can certainly be done later.  Stop doing it and put it in the schedule for a later day or time.  Yes, I have actually left my vacuum in the middle of the living room when I have caught myself using it as an excuse.
4. Don’t lie to yourself – If I had a nickel for every time someone tried to tell me they worked best under pressure at 2am….
5. Break it down – The common saying is “Rome wasn’t built in a day” but I like to say, “A dissertation isn’t written in a week.”  Regardless of the task at hand it can always be broken into small parts.
6. Don’t force yourself to be linear – When you put a puzzle together it is never from the top down or bottom up.  You look for pieces that go together and work on them and then put the groups together. Give yourself permission to do the same thing with your project
7. Procrastination or think time? – Sometimes your brain needs down time to work through a problem.  Get the basic ideas for a project in order.  Who is your audience?  What are the main points you need to cover? Once you know those things, if you aren’t ready to delve right in, taking a think break might be good.
8. Reward yourself – When you get something done ahead of schedule or even on time without all the stress of making yourself crazy by procrastinating until the last minute, pat yourself on the back.  Although, I suggest you use something more fulfilling than vacuuming.

In my world, procrastinating on procrastination leads to lots of useful work being done. You can teach yourself to work now and procrastinate later.  What types of things do you use to distract yourself from what you need to be doing?

As always, I wish you the most from your potential!

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

If you would like Doc Robyn to work with you or your team, call her: 732-421-5170

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, author and conflict resolution expert.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, professionals, athletes, coaches, parents, and faculty to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

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This year’s theme for Women’s History Month is Women Inspiring Innovation through Imagination: Celebrating Women in Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics.  In honor of that I have come up with three tips to successful communication for women in traditionally male dominated fields and three tips for men who are now working alongside women as equals where they may not have been only a few short years ago:

One strong characteristic many women have is their ability to collaborate.  Brainstorming and talking through an idea to reach the best solution is where they can shine.  In a male dominated field too much of this might be seen as wasting time or idle chitchat.  To balance this perception women can:

• Have their ideas fleshed out before they bring them to the table.  Know where the strengths lie and ask for input in the specific areas you know it needs support.  Avoid prefacing your thoughts with “We might…”, “Maybe I’m wrong but…” or “I’m sorry to disagree…”
• Be confident when you speak.  Use strong language, “After considering the situation, this is the solution I have… “It will be successful because….”
• Catch yourself making assumptions about how someone feels or thinks about you as a person.

Men are great at driving a project forward.  Making decisions quickly and getting things done is how they succeed.  When working with women as equals too much of this behavior can be seen as aggressive and uncompromising.  To balance it out men can:

• Recognize that talking through an idea is what makes good ideas great and keeps bad ideas from being implemented.
• Understand that everything is not a win/lose situation. Work toward understanding what the other party is bringing to the table before you force your idea.
• Avoid jumping to a conclusion about someone’s competence because their thought process differs from yours and they are not willing to get into a stalemate of wills with you to prove they are right.

Successful people realize there is a place for both the traditionally female approach and the traditionally male approach to a situation.  Understanding how to take advantage of each players’ strength without alienating your teammates will go a long way to creating a team that meets and even exceeds the sum of its parts.

As always, I wish you the MOST from your potential!

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

If you would like Doc Robyn to work with you or your team, call her: 732-421-5170

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, author and conflict resolution consultant.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, professionals, athletes, coaches, parents, and faculty to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

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