Posts Tagged ‘team building’

So Your Team has a Crier

April 22, 2013  |  Posted by Doc Robyn |  No Comments

We have all been in situations with a crying teammate.  And I will admit there have been times where my eyes have been more watery than I would have liked.  There has been a lot written about what to do if you are about to cry or have cried in a place you wish you wouldn’t; but very little about how to handle a crying teammate.  I have seen many instances, some handled well, most handled poorly.  Here are my two cents on what to do when a teammate cries:

Assess the cause – Tears happen for a variety of reasons; anger, frustration, being insulted, physical pain, receiving bad news, etc.  Why it is happening will inform your decision about what to do.

Consider the type of crying – There is a lot of space on the spectrum between misty-eyed and all out sobbing.  Clearly you don’t handle them the same way.

Provide a tissue – The most annoying thing about tears (aside from the embarrassment) is the ensuing runny nose and not having a tissue.  That is a very simple “fix” that doesn’t take much effort.

Misty/watery eyes – Never call someone out on crying in a professional setting.  Regardless of my opinion that crying is just an emotion like laughing, it isn’t good for someone’s professional image to be labeled a crier.  Hand them a tissue, look them in the eye and make a comment about allergies, pollen, or contacts.  If you have a relationship on a deeper personal level, check in with them later in private.

Flowing tears/broken speech – At this point you can’t pass it off as allergies so you have two choices, acknowledge the tears or plow ahead.  If the person is able to continue engaging in a productive discussion, I recommend treating the tears as an outward display of passion around the topic and continuing.  If they have reached the point where they cannot continue, suggest they take a break.  Please do not ask them if they are okay.  It will only further derail your meeting.  Let them step out and move forward.  Again – check on them in private if appropriate.

Sobbing – I have only seen open sobbing in a workplace on two occasions; once when someone received a call about the death of a family member and once when someone was asked how they felt about having to put down a pet that morning (not an appropriate question in the office).  In the case of someone crying so hard they can hardly breathe the only choice you have is to move them to a private space (note – the bathroom is not private) and ask if they need anything.

Follow up conversation – If one of your team members is regularly crying when provided with feedback you may need to have a conversation to figure out what is going on.  It could be that a simple explanation that feedback is about making him/her better not about judging him/her as wrong or bad may adjust the way it is perceived and stop the tears.

Manage your judgmental response – There are so many labels assigned to people who cry in the office; manipulative, weak, and emotional are a few I have heard.  However, sometimes tears are simply a way to manage escalating emotion.  I would rather have to hand someone a tissue then deal with a torrent of screaming, cussing and name calling (which for some reason seems to be more acceptable in the workplace than crying – someone please explain that to me).

A few months ago I attended a seminar that included a panel discussion.  One of the panelists was speaking very passionately about the work she was doing in developing countries when her voice started to crack.  I waited, expecting to see one of the organizers appear with a box of tissues.  Nothing happened.  I stepped out of the room and asked at the main desk for tissues.  When I came back in I expected the situation to have already been resolved.  It was not.  In a room of 250+ people, I walked up to the table of panelists, gave a slight smile to the woman trying to speak through her tears, set the box down and walked away.  The room erupted into applause.  Everyone was uncomfortable and yet no one did anything.  All it took was an acknowledgement of the situation and the willingness to address it to solve the discomfort.  Never do nothing when something simple will fix the problem.

As always, I wish you the MOST from your potential!

If you want to have the hands-on experience to build a highly productive team the Stop The Drama! Game Plan Weekend for Coaches facilitated by Doc Robyn is for you.  Learn more and register here.

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

If you would like Doc Robyn to work with you or your team, call her: 732-421-5170

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, executive wordsmith and conflict resolution expert.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, professionals, athletes, coaches, parents, and faculty to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

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Creating an Amazing Team is not Luck!

April 15, 2013  |  Posted by Doc Robyn |  No Comments

Last weekend I had the amazing opportunity to speak to a room full of athletic coaches about creating teams that are good at conflict resolution. During the Q&A I was asked a question that also comes up when I work with corporate teams: “I had a great team last year. What can I do other than hope to make it happen again?”

Whether you are trying to repeat a great team or not repeat one rife with drama here are a few things you can do to create an amazing team:

1.       Recognize the underlying causes to unresolved conflict

a.      Communication DNA – There are some things that are hardwired.  They can be overridden, but you have to teach your team how to do it.

b.      “Individual Communication Fingerprints” – Each of us has a unique way we use language.  Similar Communication Fingerprints get along right away.  When people with very different Fingerprints try to work together there can be “personality conflicts”.

c.       “Team Communication Fingerprint” – How does your team handle disagreement or differences of opinion?   Every team has a culture and left to their own methods they are often unhealthy.

d.      “The Communication Myth” – Look at any resume or LinkedIn profile and you are likely to see something about the person being good at oral and written communication.  Since everyone thinks they are better than average at it, any misunderstanding must be the other person’s fault.

e.      We are all taught to be too “nice” – You can read the post I wrote about it here, but the bottom line is this: Many of us are so busy being “nice” we aren’t willing to have honest, difficult conversations with our teammates.  We will however happily gossip behind their backs.

2.       Provide the skills your team needs to engage in productive conflict, address problems, resolve them and move on.  I have written various posts on that subject in the past but here are a few highlights:

a.       Agree what success looks like – It is always surprising to me when I ask members of a team what success means and I get different answers.  If you aren’t all going in the same direction you are unlikely to get where anyone wants to go.

b.      Have a communication contract – If your team doesn’t have a standard method for addressing problems everything is going to be a one-off issue. 

c.       Hold each other accountable to having tough conversations early – Once a problem starts to spiral out of control in the gossip mill it is much more challenging to solve.

d.      Talk about the problem not the person – The problem is temporary the person is permanent.

e.      Ask why – As adults we make assumptions (usually negative ones).  The power of asking why is amazing.

f.       If you are going to assume, make up something positive – If you can’t ask, at least try to think of positive reasons why someone did something.

g.      Listen to understand, not just respond – There is a difference between hearing, listening and understanding.  Always strive to understand before you respond.

Creating a high functioning team doesn’t just happen.  It takes thought and action.  Are you in action about reaching your full potential or are you just hoping it will happen?

If you want to have the hands-on experience to build a highly productive team the Stop The Drama! Game Plan Weekend for Coaches is for you.  Learn more and register here.

As always, I wish you the MOST from your potential!

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, executive wordsmith and conflict resolution expert.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, professionals, athletes, coaches, parents, and faculty to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

If you would like Doc Robyn to work with you or your team, call her: 732-421-5170

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Why Your Elevator Pitch is Confusing and How to Fix it

April 9, 2013  |  Posted by Doc Robyn |  No Comments

I recently attended a networking event where everyone had 45 seconds to give their elevator pitch.  The first person got up and said her piece.  As she sat down I thought, “I must have not been paying attention. I don’t know what she does.”  I decided to focus more carefully as the next person got up to speak.  Sadly of the 15-20 people in attendance, I only understood what 3-5 of them actually did.  Everyone else just said a bunch of words I didn’t know how to categorize, let alone understand how they could help my business or I could help theirs.

I am assuming none of those people set out to be unclear.  I would make the educated guess that they had worked long and hard to make sure their pitch was polished to perfection.  So how could so many of them end up so murky?

Too industry specific – If you are attending a conference where you are only talking to people from your trade, maybe you can use acronyms and trade specific jargon.  If you are talking to a potential client or someone you hope will refer business, use common language they will understand easily.

Too many adjectives/adverbs – When an explanation of what you do is written it can have more description words in it because it is easy for someone to refer back to what is being talked about if they need to.  When you are talking, once someone gets lost in all the words they will just miss the point.  Think about if you heard a lengthy mission statement out loud.  Stick to explaining what you do rather than adding words that tell how well you do it.

You don’t know your audience – A few months back I was invited to attend the taping of a yoga program.  When a young actress asked me what I did I explained I was a motivational speaker, executive wordsmith and coach.  She responded by saying, (and yes this is a direct quote) “I don’t know what any of those words mean.” Obviously I failed to take into account that she had never spent any time in the business world.  Know who you are talking to and adjust your pitch accordingly.

No memory peg information – I have often heard that it isn’t wise to give yourself a label such as “computer guy” or “plumber” because people will think, “oh I already know one of those” and dismiss you.  While I agree, I also think it is risky to provide a description that is so niche people have no way to categorize you in their mind.  Explaining why you are different is great.  Just be careful about being so different that we don’t have a place to put you in our mind.

You talk too fast – I can be guilty of this.  I know I only have a few seconds to catch someone’s attention and sometimes that causes me to try to squeeze in as many words as possible before they stop listening (I heard about a study recently that found most people can only focus for about six seconds at a time).  That is like someone who rattles off their phone number so quickly on a message you can’t understand it.  Instead of trying to say lots of words, make sure the ones you say are valuable.

Your elevator pitch is one of the most valuable assets you have.  It is a potential client’s first glimpse into your world.  It is not a one size fits all.  Create different types for different situations (what I say to athletic coaches is different than what I say to executives). Hone them carefully.  Try them out on people who know nothing about what you do and who you trust to give you honest feedback.  And if you have the ability to do so, invest in someone who specializes in effective communication to work with you to make sure what you want to convey is what you are actually saying.

As always, I wish you the most from your potential!

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, executive wordsmith and conflict resolution expert.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, professionals, athletes, coaches, parents, and faculty to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

If you would like Doc Robyn to work with you or your team, call her: 732-421-5170

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No Fools on April Fools

April 1, 2013  |  Posted by Doc Robyn |  No Comments

I am a firm believer that the world has enough misunderstanding and miscommunication without purposefully adding to it because it is the first day of April.  No matter what ‘success’ means to you, you can increase your likelihood of achieving it by creating effective interactions with your vendors, clients and teammates.  In honor of the day, here are some fool proof ways to make sure communication works for you:

Own Your Power

Too often in conversation we try to take over the other person’s power and in the process give up our own.  To avoid the power struggle that ensues, start your sentences with the word “I” (I think… I need… I want…  My experience was…) rather than using the word “You”.  Sentences that start with you (You did this… You need to do that… You made me…) close off the conversation.  The person being spoken to only has two choices, accept what they are being told about themselves or defensively disagree.   There is no space to have a conversation, only a confrontation.

Assume the Positive

If you have ever spent time with a toddler you know their favorite question is “why?”  Unfortunately, as we grow up we are trained not to ask that question.  But that doesn’t mean our inquisitiveness goes away.  We still want to know why, but rather than asking, we just make it up.  In fact, making up why someone does something becomes so engrained we don’t even realize we are doing it.  To make matters worse, when we make assumptions about other people it is almost always something negative.   A simple example is when someone runs a red light.  The first thing that springs to mind for most people is “idiot”.  The reality is likely something more neutral; like the driver wasn’t paying attention at that moment.  Start catching yourself making up negative things about people and start asking why.  It is amazing what people will tell you when you ask and then listen to their answer.  If you don’t have the opportunity to ask, try assuming something positive.

Do More than Listen – Strive to Understand

Stephen Covey knew, “Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”  Just listening is not enough.  Have you ever had this argument:  “You aren’t listening to me!” “Yes I am!”  “No you’re not!”  The problem isn’t that you weren’t listening, it is that the other person wasn’t feeling heard.  Sometimes just letting someone know you heard and understand them is enough, even if you don’t agree.  Use these phrases to help someone feel heard:  What I think I hear you saying is…. What I am taking away from this conversation is… My understanding of what you need is… It sounds like you are frustrated about….  Explain what it is you believe the other person is trying to convey to you.  If you are incorrect, give them a chance to explain themselves again.  In this way both parties can walk away from the conversation with the same understanding.

Treat Others the Way THEY Want to be Treated

The Golden Rule has been failing us for a long time.  Just because you want to be treated a certain way does not mean others want to be treated that way.  Punctuality is a great example for this issue.  All of us know someone who believes if you’re early you’re on time, if you’re on time your late and if you’re late you’re in trouble (I admit, I am one of those people).  There are other people who live much more “in the moment”.  They are present with a situation until it is finished and then they move on to the next thing.  There isn’t a schedule other then when they get there they will be there.  If I expected all of my clients to be regimented with time like I am, I would drive many of them away.  Instead, it is important that I understand what works best for them.  Does it make me crazy sometimes? Very much so.  But I can’t treat people the way I want to be treated; I must treat them how they want to be treated.  To figure that out, I have to ask, not assume what they want.

Life is complicated enough without adding misunderstandings and hurt feelings that can be avoided through the powerful use of language (and not playing April Fools jokes).  You have the choice to use effective communication and productive conflict resolution.  Your success is up to you.  Never let others sidetrack it.

As always, I wish you the most from your potential!

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, author and conflict resolution expert.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, professionals, athletes, coaches, parents, and faculty to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

If you would like Doc Robyn to work with you or your team, call her: 732-421-5170

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Procrastinating on Procrastination

March 18, 2013  |  Posted by Doc Robyn |  No Comments

Whether you are among the 20% of self proclaimed chronic procrastinators or you find yourself up against a deadline a little more often than you’d like, procrastination is a bug that bites all of us sometimes.  It is well known that we tend to get more done when we know we simply won’t have time to do it tomorrow.  But how can we make ourselves busy enough to get things done while not making ourselves crazy? I suggest we procrastinate on our procrastination.  Here’s how:

  1. Know your procrastination tasks – What busy work suddenly becomes incredibly important when you have a task you need to accomplish (internet, email, catch up phone calls, etc)? I know if I suddenly feel the urge to vacuum, do the dishes or go to the grocery store there is something I am avoiding.
  2. Catch yourself in the moment – It can be easy to lose an hour or two without even trying.  The earlier you notice you are engaging in a procrastination task the sooner you can get back on track.  Anytime you find yourself doing one of the things on your procrastination task list, ask yourself “Is this the right thing to be doing with my time or am I avoiding something?”
  3. Put your procrastination task on the back burner – Whatever it is you are using to avoid doing what you should be doing it can certainly be done later.  Stop doing it and put it in the schedule for a later day or time.  Yes, I have actually left my vacuum in the middle of the living room when I have caught myself using it as an excuse.
  4. Don’t lie to yourself – If I had a nickel for every time someone tried to tell me they worked best under pressure at 2am….
  5. Break it down – The common saying is “Rome wasn’t built in a day” but I like to say, “A dissertation isn’t written in a week.”  Regardless of the task at hand it can always be broken into small parts.
  6. Don’t force yourself to be linear – When you put a puzzle together it is never from the top down or bottom up.  You look for pieces that go together and work on them and then put the groups together. Give yourself permission to do the same thing with your project
  7. Procrastination or think time? – Sometimes your brain needs down time to work through a problem.  Get the basic ideas for a project in order.  Who is your audience?  What are the main points you need to cover? Once you know those things, if you aren’t ready to delve right in, taking a think break might be good.
  8. Reward yourself – When you get something done ahead of schedule or even on time without all the stress of making yourself crazy by procrastinating until the last minute, pat yourself on the back.  Although, I suggest you use something more fulfilling than vacuuming.

 

In my world, procrastinating on procrastination leads to lots of useful work being done. You can teach yourself to work now and procrastinate later.  What types of things do you use to distract yourself from what you need to be doing?

As always, I wish you the most from your potential!

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

If you would like Doc Robyn to work with you or your team, call her: 732-421-5170

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, author and conflict resolution expert.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, professionals, athletes, coaches, parents, and faculty to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

 

 

 

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Successful Communication between the Sexes

March 11, 2013  |  Posted by Doc Robyn |  No Comments

This year’s theme for Women’s History Month is Women Inspiring Innovation through Imagination: Celebrating Women in Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics.  In honor of that I have come up with three tips to successful communication for women in traditionally male dominated fields and three tips for men who are now working alongside women as equals where they may not have been only a few short years ago:

One strong characteristic many women have is their ability to collaborate.  Brainstorming and talking through an idea to reach the best solution is where they can shine.  In a male dominated field too much of this might be seen as wasting time or idle chitchat.  To balance this perception women can:

  • Have their ideas fleshed out before they bring them to the table.  Know where the strengths lie and ask for input in the specific areas you know it needs support.  Avoid prefacing your thoughts with “We might…”, “Maybe I’m wrong but…” or “I’m sorry to disagree…”
  • Be confident when you speak.  Use strong language, “After considering the situation, this is the solution I have… “It will be successful because….”
  • Catch yourself making assumptions about how someone feels or thinks about you as a person.

Men are great at driving a project forward.  Making decisions quickly and getting things done is how they succeed.  When working with women as equals too much of this behavior can be seen as aggressive and uncompromising.  To balance it out men can:

  • Recognize that talking through an idea is what makes good ideas great and keeps bad ideas from being implemented.
  • Understand that everything is not a win/lose situation. Work toward understanding what the other party is bringing to the table before you force your idea.
  • Avoid jumping to a conclusion about someone’s competence because their thought process differs from yours and they are not willing to get into a stalemate of wills with you to prove they are right.

Successful people realize there is a place for both the traditionally female approach and the traditionally male approach to a situation.  Understanding how to take advantage of each players’ strength without alienating your teammates will go a long way to creating a team that meets and even exceeds the sum of its parts.

As always, I wish you the MOST from your potential!

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

If you would like Doc Robyn to work with you or your team, call her: 732-421-5170

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, author and conflict resolution consultant.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, professionals, athletes, coaches, parents, and faculty to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

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5 Things to Keep Performance Reviews from Being a Waste of Time

March 4, 2013  |  Posted by Doc Robyn |  No Comments

Have you ever, even once in your life, talked to someone who thought yearly performance reviews were good things that working for them?  I never have and I talk to a lot of people.  The problem with them is they are completely generic.  There is no standard for what it means if one box is checked versus another and the only time a company reviews them is if they are trying to fire you (Trust me I know, it happened to me).

What you need for a performance review to be helpful is a way to tell your consistent A performers from your inconsistent A performers from your B and C performers.  Every team has all of them but the way you are currently evaluating them makes it look like all talent is created equal.

Last week I talked about how you needed a definition for what high performance/production looks like in order to prune your bottom performers.  The same is true if your performance reviews are going to be useful.  If you don’t have a communicated standard to use, any box you check is going to be based on your gut.  I think we can all agree that is going to be fickle at best.  So roll up your sleeves and take the time to create a baseline.  Without that the rest of this post, and every performance review you write, is going to be useless.

I had a professor in grad school who used to say “In God we trust. Everyone else must have data.”  Now that you have a baseline you are going to need a way to decide if someone meets, exceeds, is inconsistent or never meets that standard.  There is no way you are going to be able to remember how often you do that in your own work so you certainly aren’t going to remember for everyone on your team.

Here is an example from my life of why standards and data are helpful:

It was my job to support the Fed Funds trader and keep several portfolios balanced.  The challenge was keeping track of our closing position throughout the day while about a billion dollars moved in and out of the bank.  I was pretty good at it (if I do say so myself).  When my performance review came due my boss checked that I was “satisfactory”.  I question him and he said, “Well, I haven’t gotten any complaints about your work and the trader seems to like you so, satisfactory.”  I asked what I needed to do to get a better than satisfactory rating. He shrugged and told me he just always gave everyone that rating unless there was a problem.  To say I wasn’t impressed or motivated would be putting it mildly.

Figure out a way to keep track of how your employees are doing against the standard throughout the year (make notes on your phone if you need to).  That way you can do more than always check the same box, your team will know what they have to do to be standout performers and you will have useful information to pass on to your replacement when you get promoted.

Speaking of team, if you have a team environment you also need to be able to assess how someone functions within the team.  Make it the norm for everyone on the team to evaluate everyone else and the team itself.  Ask them what they think needs to be changed to make the team better.  Cull toxic members, regardless of their individual performance.

Finally, and this is important, don’t do forced ranking.  When you rank people you create a competitive dog eat dog environment and your star performers will refuse to work together out of fear of losing rank.

Take the time to figure out those five things and you will be well on your way to performance reviews being a useful tool rather than an annoying waste of everyone’s time.

As always, I wish you the most from your potential!

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

If you would like Doc Robyn to work with you or your team, call her: 732-421-5170

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, author and conflict resolution consultant.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, professionals, athletes, coaches, parents, and faculty to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

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Increase Your Team Average

February 26, 2013  |  Posted by Doc Robyn |  No Comments

Every winter the orchards of Central California are littered with piles of branches.  Each tree has been individually inspected.  Some are deemed unfit to produce and are removed.  The remaining trees are pruned to create the strongest, highest producers possible.  When was the last time you really looked at your team?  Not because you had to write something in a yearly evaluation, but really looked at how the individuals and the team itself was functioning.

I have written before how a meeting can only run as quickly as the slowest mind in the room.  The same is true of your team.  You might think you can improve the average output by adding more star players.  That is not the case.  One “average” person can grind a team of all-stars to a halt.  Think about what would happen if you put an average person on a NASCAR pit crew.  Talk about losing the race when you’re not on the track! To increase the average on your team you need to prune the bottom producers.

That means setting the groundwork.  Here are some questions you are going to need to be able to answer:

  • What does production or high performance looking like in your industry?
  • Have you provided everyone with the knowledge and training they need to be a high performer?
  • Have you communicated clear performance expectations?
  • Do you have a standard and consistent way to measure performance?
  • Do you understand your company’s policies for pruning low performers?

Even if you aren’t ready or willing to do any pruning just yet, these are important questions to be able to answer.  Without those answers you are running your team blind.  With them you learn where you can provide more training, where your best work comes from and who might be more successful somewhere else.  And those are the keys to creating a team that runs like a well oiled machine.

As always, I wish you the most from your potential!

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow Doc Robyn on Twitter!

If you would like Doc Robyn to work with you or your team to achieve greater success, give her a call 732-421-5170

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, author and conflict resolution consultant.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, athletes, coaches, parents, faculty and professionals to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

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“Forgive & Forget” or “Burn Me Twice, Shame on Me”?

February 18, 2013  |  Posted by Doc Robyn |  No Comments

It has been said to forgive is a virtue to forget, sainthood.  But ‘burn me once shame on you, burn me twice shame on me’ also rings true.  In the competitive world of corporate teams, which is the right answer?  I believe it depends on the situation and knowing when to apply which rule requires wisdom.

Some examples to clarify:

Someone on your team quits unexpectedly.  The huge client she was working on is handed to a senior person, Joe.  He has never done direct sales with a client before but he knows the product really well.  He is the best option the team has.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t have the knowledge or the skills to land the client who is now skittish because their contact left without warning.  The project is awarded to a competitor. 

Several members of the team start finger pointing and the blame is directly aimed at Joe.  He lost the best opportunity the team had to make numbers this year.  One of the executives on the team has even said he will never trust Joe to “come through in a crunch” again.

Was this Joe’s one “burn” or is this a “forget” situation?  I would say, “Forgive, Train, Retest”.  Joe did not intentionally or maliciously lose a big contract.  He was thrown into an unlikely-to-win situation.  Only the most experienced closer can expected to take over the game in the ninth inning and come out with a win.  Joe and the team need to move past this client (forget) and look to the future.  If Joe is going to be expected to jump in and close big deals he needs to be trained and given opportunities to succeed; not banned from ever doing it again.

Have you seen the cell phone commercial where a man and woman are talking about how the phone can do two things at once?  The woman says “You can watch videos and text.”  The man replies, “Or you could watch the earnings report and take notes like we are supposed to.”  She asks for his notes, and he agrees.  When a third person walks up and asks if either of them put together the earnings report, the woman takes the credit.

What do you think, forgive or burn?  In this case I would say learn from being burned.  The woman intentionally manipulated the situation for her benefit and to the detriment of her teammate.  If you have someone like that on your team, you still have to collaborate with them.  You don’t have to let them walk on you.  Keep good records of your ideas and be careful about open brainstorming where they can use you.  Don’t forget.  Professional skepticism is the way to go.  If they do it again you can’t say you hadn’t been warned.

It was once said to me, “It is easy to learn who someone is.  It is hard to remember.”  If you are forgiving and trusting by nature, it may take being burned by the same person multiple times to remember you can’t “forgive and forget” with them.  If you are more of a “One strike and you’re out” person you may have a really hard time letting go of a small infraction by someone who is actually a great teammate.  To find middle ground you need to know which way you lean and throw in a healthy dose of emotional intelligence.

As always, I wish you the most from your potential!

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Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka “Doc Robyn”) is a nationally known motivational speaker, author and conflict resolution consultant.  As CEO of Champion Performance Development, she works with executives, athletes, coaches, parents, faculty and professionals to help them achieve excellence in all aspects of life through the development of leadership, teamwork, effective communication, productive conflict and professional disagreement skills – strategies typically reserved for high-level corporate executive training.  She is the founder of the Stop The Drama! Campaign and author of the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams.

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