Posts Tagged ‘effective communicator’

Don’t Shoot the Messenger!

November 28, 2010  |  Posted by Doc Robyn |  No Comments

It used to be back when messages were written on scrolls, rolled up, sealed with hot wax, imprinted with a ring and delivered by someone in person who had no idea what the message said, the receiver (usually some high and mighty king type guy) would give the messenger a really good tip for good news and punish or even kill him if the news was bad.  Certainly a risky way to make a living for the messenger.

Today the idea of killing someone for delivering bad news is as outdated as sealing scrolls with wax.  And of course the Champion Performers who read these posts would never ‘shoot the messenger’ because they know it stifles communication.  Right?  Okay, sure we know and of course we never mean to take out our feelings on the person delivering the message.  But sometimes it happens and we don’t even realize we are doing it.

Many of my clients have experienced situations where good news travels fast and bad news gets buried until it explodes.  As leaders when a major issue we should have heard about weeks ago explodes onto our desk we blame the people reporting to us (employees, athletes, staff members, etc) for not coming forward with the truth.  Fair enough.  Maybe they “should have” come to us sooner.  So why didn’t they?  Simply put – the environment is not safe to share bad news.  As leaders it is our job to look at ourselves and figure out what we are doing to make it unsafe.

Here is an example:  A friend of mine was complaining that her college aged daughter never told her anything anymore.  I asked my friend how she generally felt about the things she wanted to know.  Of course she didn’t like the boy her daughter was dating, she didn’t like her staying out so late, she didn’t like how little time she spent studying.  The “I don’t like” list went on and on.  I asked, “Is there anything your daughter could tell you the truth about that you would like?”  There was a long pause.  “No I guess not.”  Hmm, if every time she opens her mouth she gets speech about what she is doing wrong it is no wonder she just keeps her life to herself.

The same situation plays out on teams.  If every time someone tells you about a problem they are involved in a discussion about how things got there, who is at fault and what should have been done differently your team is going to try everything they can to fix or hide a problem before coming to you.  Worse, the other members of your team will learn from observation.  In their heads a little voice will say, “Note to self, bury as much bad news as possible or risk being blamed.”  Of course that is bad for you, bad for the team and bad for the organization.

Instead of berating the person to make yourself look good by comparison try helping them grow.  In a bad situation the best thing you can do is figure out where things are (not how they got there) and then develop solutions. After the problem has been solved then look into what happened and find ways to develop the knowledge, skills and abilities of the people involved to avoid a repeat. When leaders are better at helping solve problems and then teaching solutions rather than judging team members feel much safer bringing up concerns before they are out of control problems.

Here is a short list of behaviors I have seen from leaders which create a culture of hiding problems.  If you think you never do any of them, ask someone who loves you enough to tell you the real truth.  I bet you have a couple you could work on. Remember, you probably aren’t hiding that negative reaction as well as you think you are.

● Rolling eyes ● Exhaling heavily (huffing) ● Judging ● Being defensive ● Blaming ● Evaluating ● Refusing to help ● Humiliating someone ● Giving the “are you really that stupid” look ● Going into “should have” mode ● Giving the silent treatment ● Calling someone stupid ● Taking someone off the field or project without offering guidance ● Wishing a former team member was still around to “do things right” ● Taking someone out of the starting line without feedback ● Not sending/inviting someone to status meetings ● Giving the cold shoulder

The list could go on and on.  Do you have a behavior your boss or coach does that makes you or your teammates want to hide problems for as long as you can?  Share them with us!

Next week we will be talking about evaluation versus performance and why it is impossible to do them both at the same time!

Last week I talked about how people often make up reasons why other people do things.  If you missed You Can’t Observe Why you can read it here.

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Bringing on a New Team Member

November 1, 2010  |  Posted by Doc Robyn |  6 Comments

Last week we talked about interviewing for fit so you can reduce the risk of bringing in the ‘perfect talent’ and three months later it not working out. But what if you did interview for fit and you thought the person was close enough or flexible enough to work in your team culture and things are still going south? Maybe the person wasn’t brought into the team from the beginning. This process is often called onboarding and it is very regularly a forgotten component in the team process.

The purpose of onboarding is to help a new team member become acclimated to the team culture and become productive as quickly as possible. On most teams it looks something like this:

“This is the team. Everybody, introduce yourselves.” Fifteen or more people rattle off their names. “Great, now that you’ve met everyone let’s get you to orientation.” I bet right now you are laughing to yourself because you know it’s true. That is pretty much exactly what happens. And then we wonder why new members take so long to figure things out.

In order to onboard someone successfully you need to understand the important aspects of your culture. You should ask yourself and your team the same questions we asked the interviewee last week (go here for a refresher). In addition, what are the nuances about the environment? Maybe the five on the locker room code pad sticks. Maybe there is an unwritten rule that the first person in makes coffee and the last person out rinses out the pot, regardless of whether or not they drink coffee. Figure out what the norms are for your team and your organization. It won’t be as easy as it sounds. I bet there are lots of them nobody even thinks about. They just are. If your team is like most the only way to learn them is by breaking them and being chided by the rest of the team. Not a very welcoming way to learn.

In addition to sharing the unspoken cultural norms there are a few standard questions that everyone on the team is going to want answered.

1. As the new person, what strengths do I have that this team can use right away? How do I standout in a positive way?

2. Who on the team has strengths that offset places where I am not as strong? How do I find them and how open are they to helping me learn?

3. Who on the team is going to help me fix a mistake and who is going to kick me while I’m down?

Once you have a good handle on your team culture and how the new piece fits into the existing puzzle you are ready to walk someone through the integration process. Listen if they have questions or concerns. And at the end, provide them with someone on the team they can go to if something comes up they don’t understand. It is always more comfortable to know there is someone in your corner who will help you when you feel lost.

Do you have a story of being welcomed by being tossed right into the fire? How long did you walk around feeling like the newbie who didn’t know what was going on? We would love to hear your stories!

Check back next week when we talk about how to avoid wasting time on rework.

If you are interested in know how to learn if someone is going to fit with your team during the interview process, check out last week’s post here.

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6 Steps to Having Tough Conversations

October 17, 2010  |  Posted by Doc Robyn |  21 Comments


Nobody enjoys having the tough conversations. The guy who leaves his practice gear in his locker until the air is so thick with the stench you can see it. The woman in the cube next to you who hums all day. The person who just isn’t pulling his/her weight. Or the employee who has taken too many sick days for an ailing parent. Yeah, those conversations. Nobody likes them. It is much easier to complain to someone else rather then address the problem. Easier, but doesn’t solve anything. In fact it will make it worse.

The volcano method doesn’t work either. That is, don’t say anything for as long as you can. Wait until you reach your absolute explosion point and then, scream. Not pretty, not productive and very destructive to the team and your relationship with the other person.

If your team has developed a communication fingerprint you already have an accepted method for addressing these types of conflict while they are still little annoyances. If you don’t, your job is going to be a little more challenging. Not impossible. Just a bit challenging.

Step 1: Make sure you know exactly what is bothering you and what the best solution is for you. Be prepared to compromise. But know what you would like going in.

Step 2: Don’t ambush the person. Nobody wants to be called out in a public setting or without time to prepare. You have been thinking about this issue and the conversation you want to have for a long time. They have been going through life happy-go-lucky thinking everything is fine. Have an idea of somewhere private you can talk. Start with something like, “I have a concern I’d like to talk to you about. Is now a good time or can we schedule something later today?”

Step 3: Own your part of the concern by starting the conversation with an “I” statement. For example: “Joan, I think it is really great that you are such an upbeat person. When you hum during the day I get distracted. I am sure you do it unconsciously so I was wondering if you could help me come up with an inconspicuous way I could point it out to you.” Or “Jeff, I’ve been noticing at practice that you have been a step behind of late. Is everything Okay?”

Step 4: Actively listen. Give the person space to talk/explain. Engage in a conversation with them to make sure you understand and they feel heard.

Step 5: Be gracious and keep your cool while sticking to your need for change. If they become defensive, roll with it. “I can understand that you would be upset about this. It is an awkward conversation for me too. I just felt like it was better for us to talk about it now than for me to just stew until I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Step 6: When you notice positive change be genuinely thankful as appropriate (not if is going to embarrass them again. Then just let it slide).

My clients often find it useful to practice tough conversations with me just to work through the vocabulary and deal with the ‘stress’ feeling about having it. If you don’t have anyone to talk through it with you make sure you do a thorough job of step one.

Good luck!

Tell us about the tough conversations you need to have or ones you had and how they turned out!

Check in next week to learn about interviewing to determine fit!

Last week’s post provided pointers for dealing with emotional stuff, yours and everybody else’s.  Read it here if you missed it.

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Why Silence is Golden

September 26, 2010  |  Posted by Doc Robyn |  23 Comments

We hate silence. If you are a type A, highly driven person like I am you likely view silence as a waste of time. Nobody is saying anything, thoughts and ideas are not being shared and therefore nothing is getting done. Even if you aren’t quite that intense about it silence likely makes you uncomfortable. I am reminded of a boy who was asked to hold a moment of silence for a fallen friend. After about fifteen seconds the boy said, “Okay, that’s enough.” The crowd chuckled. But I know exactly how the boy felt. Silence is intimidating.

Pay attention the next time you are in a meeting. How much silence is there? I would bet almost none (unless the meeting is very tense which is a topic for a different week). So I pose this question, If someone is always talking when is anyone supposed to think? Clearly the only possible answer is, While someone else is talking. Now, if I have to think about what I want to say while someone else is talking who is listening? Ahh, now we see the problem. No one is listening because someone is always talking and everyone else is thinking about what they want to say. No wonder we can’t communicate!

An additional thing to consider when thinking about silence is, when is silence really just because no one has anything to say and when is it because people are thinking. It takes people different lengths of time to decide the floor is open and they can speak. Before I learned that silence was a good thing, if no one was talking and I had a thought complete enough to share, I started speaking. Other people wait an extra second or two just to make sure they aren’t stepping on anyone in the conversation. If you have a person who is always filling the silence the more “polite” communicators will never have a chance to have their voice heard.

As you create your team’s communication fingerprint think about how silence can be allowed. I am not saying you have to mandate a certain amount of it between each speaker. That would make for a very stilted conversation. As a team, talk about it. How do you work “think time” into a conversation? If you have someone on the team who fills silence, either by talking or saying uhhhhh while they think so they don’t lose the floor, talk to them about it. I have a friend who says, “what else can I tell you…?” trailing off at the end. It makes it clear to me as a listener that he is not finished speaking and I should not start. That isn’t true silence.

So think about how your team handles silence. Talk about it. It will get you one step closer to being able to maintenance the conversation and be your most productive.

How does silence make you feel? Do you have someone in your group who is always filling the space with words or sounds? Leave us a comment telling us about it or any other thoughts you have about this topic!

Next week: A tiger behind every tree

Did you miss last week’s topic about using the black box of communication?  Read it here.

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Communication

August 22, 2010  |  Posted by Doc Robyn |  2 Comments

How would it revolutionize your objectives if every conversation you had was more effective?

The ability to communicate is your most valuable asset.  Consider the number of conversations you have every day.  Multiply that by the number of people on your team.  That is a lot of communication!  If you had the ability to minimize miscommunication and misunderstanding imagine the amount of re-work and valuable lost time you could avoid.

Every job description has a line that says something like “must be a good communicator”.  Every person who reads it thinks “oh yeah, I’m a great communicator”.  And yet thousands of hours are wasted on miscommunication.

Solving the communication challenge is as simple as making sure everyone is on the same communication wavelength.  Easy in theory, challenging in the practice.  At Champion Performance Development we can take the guesswork out of productive communication.  When you are ready to take advantage of the edge that effective communication can provide for you and your team, we can help.  Contact us to discuss how our tested communication framework can be customized to your needs.

Look for several Champion Performance Topics of the Week that provide ideas for having more effective conversations!

How has miscommunication damaged the productivity of your team?  Maybe you have an idea why we all think we are great communicators.  Share with us!

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