We hate silence. If you are a type A, highly driven person like I am you likely view silence as a waste of time. Nobody is saying anything, thoughts and ideas are not being shared and therefore nothing is getting done. Even if you aren’t quite that intense about it silence likely makes you uncomfortable. I am reminded of a boy who was asked to hold a moment of silence for a fallen friend. After about fifteen seconds the boy said, “Okay, that’s enough.” The crowd chuckled. But I know exactly how the boy felt. Silence is intimidating.
Pay attention the next time you are in a meeting. How much silence is there? I would bet almost none (unless the meeting is very tense which is a topic for a different week). So I pose this question, If someone is always talking when is anyone supposed to think? Clearly the only possible answer is, While someone else is talking. Now, if I have to think about what I want to say while someone else is talking who is listening? Ahh, now we see the problem. No one is listening because someone is always talking and everyone else is thinking about what they want to say. No wonder we can’t communicate!
An additional thing to consider when thinking about silence is, when is silence really just because no one has anything to say and when is it because people are thinking. It takes people different lengths of time to decide the floor is open and they can speak. Before I learned that silence was a good thing, if no one was talking and I had a thought complete enough to share, I started speaking. Other people wait an extra second or two just to make sure they aren’t stepping on anyone in the conversation. If you have a person who is always filling the silence the more “polite” communicators will never have a chance to have their voice heard.
As you create your team’s communication fingerprint think about how silence can be allowed. I am not saying you have to mandate a certain amount of it between each speaker. That would make for a very stilted conversation. As a team, talk about it. How do you work “think time” into a conversation? If you have someone on the team who fills silence, either by talking or saying uhhhhh while they think so they don’t lose the floor, talk to them about it. I have a friend who says, “what else can I tell you…?” trailing off at the end. It makes it clear to me as a listener that he is not finished speaking and I should not start. That isn’t true silence.
So think about how your team handles silence. Talk about it. It will get you one step closer to being able to maintenance the conversation and be your most productive.
How does silence make you feel? Do you have someone in your group who is always filling the space with words or sounds? Leave us a comment telling us about it or any other thoughts you have about this topic!
Next week: A tiger behind every tree
Did you miss last week’s topic about using the black box of communication? Read it here.
Tags :Champion Performance Development, communication, Doc Robyn, effective communication, effective communicator, good communication, good communicator, Robyn Odegaard, silence is golden, team building, team development, teamwork
Doc Robyn,
Well you have hit the nail on the head with this topic. I am often engaged in conversations whereas I feel I need to provide that “filler” to keep things moving. It seems that the silence is a little deafening.
Maybe I need to rethink my approach to the flow of conversation. It seems that silence might not be the death knell for group talks that I always believed.
Thanks,
Gary
I am glad to hear you found the topic relevant. Thanks for your comment!
Good day!This was a really marvelous blog!
I come from itlay, I was fortunate to find your Topics in digg
Also I obtain much in your theme really thanks very much i will come every day
cool
Sensational info. I look forward to seeing much more.
Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. I will be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again very soon!
I’ve been here a few times and it appears your articles get much more informative every time. Maintain it. I enjoy reading them.
I was very pleased to find your website. I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoying every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post.
Wow, I never really understood this until now
I like the valuable information you provide in your articles. I’ll bookmark your blog and check again here frequently. I am quite sure I’ll learn plenty of new stuff right here! Best of luck for the next!
Do you mind if I quote a few of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your webpage? My blog site is in the exact same niche as yours and my users would truly benefit from some of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this ok with you. Thanks!
Please do! I hope your readers find it useful!
Love your post. I hope this blogpost will help other people. Sorry for the short review.
Really great article with very interesting information.
Thank you for such interesting blog! I found it very useful =)
Good day! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a team of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us useful information to work on. You have done a wonderful job!
seriously enjoyed reading this page, keep them coming
Fantastic article thought it was really helpful and informative
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Very well written post. It will be valuable to anyone who uses it, including me. Keep up the good work – i will definitely read more posts.
Great blog! Do you have any suggestions for aspiring writers? I’m hoping to start my own website soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you propose starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many choices out there that I’m totally overwhelmed .. Any recommendations? Thank you!
The best advice I can give – write about what you are passionate about. Otherwise you will run out of material and desire.
Have you ever considered publishing an e-book or guest authoring on other sites? I have a blog based upon on the same ideas you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information. I know my visitors would value your work. If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an e-mail.